The Pits

For Silas's last nursing before bedtime, we lie down together. It's most comfortable for me if my arm closest to the bed is bent at the elbow and tucked beneath my head. Lately, while eating, Silas has taken to playing with my armpit stubble. I suppose this should tell me something about my upkeep...but I'm superstitious that it might impact how well he sleeps at night; 9-hour stretches of sleep have been a long time coming.

TMI, you're thinking? Hey, my only promise was no more crafty entries until Friday.

Felt Bunny "Tutorial"

It's another Thing I Made day. I promise - no more until Friday when we dye Easter eggs. This entry was originally to include a tutorial, mostly because I think tutorials are cool. I love, love, love the Little Birdie Secrets blogspot and have dreams of somehow sustaining our livelihood by crafting and/or teaching others to craft. Of course, I have limited crafting knowledge and/or ability. And, of course, by "sustaining our livelihood," I mean that Christian continues working his gig in the attic. I suppose what I would really be doing is "supplementing" our livelihood...but that's just a minor detail.

Anyway, since Silas will miss out on a chocolate bunny in his Easter basket this year, I decided to make him one out of felt. I've been following the felt toy craze for a while (what? you didn't realize it was a craze? sheesh, somebody's behind the times), and I wanted to experiment with it. As it turns out, it's kind of difficult to do a tutorial when you really kind of just fumble your way through something. So here is my pseudo-tutorial about how to make something that loosely resembles a chocolate Easter bunny (that is, if you put it on the other side of the room, close one eye and squint with the other). Here we go...

First, search online to find a chocolate Easter bunny that you like. This was mine. I copied and pasted the image into Word so I could increase the size a bit. After you've chosen your bunny template, pin him to a piece of felt, and cut him out. I used brown felt because he's supposed to be chocolate. Repeat with another piece and you have the bunny basics.

Next, cut two circles out of another color of felt for your bunny's eyes. I used light blue; however, in retrospect, most chocolate rabbits have yellow eyes. Interesting, right? Who knew that chocolate bunnies were such lushes! (However, that might explain the copious amounts of little bunnies...) Anyway, cut out two circles. Again, I found a circle template online to use. This was my circle that I pasted into Word and resized to fit my bunny.

So far so good, right? Well, here's where it gets tricky. I'll tell you what I kinda did, but my bunny crafting involved a lot of improvisation. Clearly, this part of my tutorial needs work.

I next used yellow thread knotted around a tiny scrap of blue felt to make two round balls. These became the eyeballs. I sewed them to the center(ish) of my blue felt, securing them with multiple stitches and knots. When they were firmly attached, I then sewed the entire eye combination onto my bunny pieces, again using multiple stitches and knots. I attached just through the center of the eye; however, you could also stitch around the entire eye. You could also use a smaller circle of a different colored felt instead of knotting an eye; this may actually be the smarter way to go. Whatever you decide, make sure you attach the eyes on the opposite sides of the bunny pieces, unlike what I did the first time. D'oh!

After your eyes are attached, sew your bunny halves together. I used a blanket stitch because I'm fascinated by how easy it is and how great it looks in the end. Plus, I figured it would be easier and timelier than figuring out how to use my sewing machine. Whatever you decide, stitch around your bunny but leave an opening for his guts.

Before you close off your bunny, stuff him. I used a combination of Poly-Fil AND an upcycled wipe refill plastic. Since my little guy is obsessed with crinkly noises, the plastic rustles every time the bunny is squeezed. Not only did it turn out to be a great touch, it was a great use of the plastic waste, too.

Once your bunny is stuffed, complete his stitching. Knot securely and he's good to go. I also sewed a yellow ribbon around his neck for some additional chocolate-rabbit likeness as well as some texture variety for Silas.

I'm pretty proud of the end result. I may have been so proud, I may have even cheated a bit and given Silas a preview. The first thing he did was chew the bunny's ears. Since my goal was a chocolate Easter bunny, I count this as a sign of success.

Wife Beader

I hate to do a series of "I made..." posts, but I'm going to anyway. The truth is, I like making things, and I've been busy making things, so I'm going to tell you about said things. And if you see something I can make that you want to buy for oh, say, something in the realm of my year's teaching salary, please contact me. USPS First Class shipping is free!

A few months ago, after a visit to the Carnegie Museum of Natural History's minerals and gems exhibit, Christian decided I should craft jewelry. This was an odd move on his part since his role is usually The Squasher of My Moneymaking Whims. So Christian spent a small fortune on eBay buying the (his word) "coolest" minerals he had seen on exhibit, handed them over to me, and told me to make jewelry. Right now, they're in the bottom drawer of the secretary desk in my dining room, still in their original eBay packaging. BUT NOT FOR LONG!!!

My mom and I signed up for a jewelry making class, and our first session was tonight. The instructor is super petite and super enthusiastic, and she makes me, my mom, and the three old ladies in the class feel like we're already super jewelers. And I learned how to make paper beads! That's right...beads from paper! Ahhhh. Please bask in the beauty of my handiwork. And yes, I do have a PayPal account for easy and secure transactions. Those cool minerals just might find their way out of that drawer sometime soon...

The Secret Ingredient

I made lava!

I wasn't really trying to, it just kinda happened. What I was TRYING to make was Crunch Bars from my food&family. It's a best-loved recipe. It takes 30 minutes. It can't be bad, right?

Huh.

What they neglect to include in the 2-paragraph directions on page 30 is that butter and brown sugar, when left on the stove for (*maybe*) a little too long, combine to create a deadly force that can fill your kitchen/living room/dining room/foyer with the hideous stench of something akin to how I imagine a combination of burning toenails and cat urine would smell.

This is what happens when I attempted the 5-starred recipe:


I know it looks kind of like a moist chocolate brownie in that pot...but believe me...it wasn't. The apparent chocolatey-brownie-goodness was really a bubbling, scalding, smoking, frothing monster that I rushed from the stove and slammed down on our front porch because all 8 of our smoke alarms were already blaring.

"Do you think the neighbors think you're a witch?" Christian asked.
"Um. For which reason?"
"Because there's a cauldron on our front porch."

Since I still needed a dessert for the jewelry party, I started again. This time, I had moderate success. The crunch bars looked remotely like the picture in the magazine, but all I could taste was burnt toenails seasoned with a hint of cat urine.

I took them to the party anyway.

"You're such a little Suzy homemaker!" my friend Bridget exclaimed as she took a bite.
"Well, I'm just good in the kitchen," I responded. "It just comes naturally."

Wingin' It

I finally stumbled upon a good wing recipe. Since Christian doesn't like hot wings, and I don't like my wings floating in a pool of butter, it's tough to find something we'll both enjoy. These wings are ooey and gooey, perfectly caramelized and tender. Be warned that they are sweet (both figuratively AND metaphorically, of course). Credit belongs to allrecipes for supplying me with a recipe that included only 3 ingredients (in addition to the wings) and was simple enough for my domestically-challenged self:

Candied Garlic Chicken Wings

Ingredients:
1 1/2 cups honey
6 tablespoons soy sauce
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 pounds chicken wings

Directions:
1. Heat honey, soy sauce, and garlic in saucepan until boiling.
2. Place the wings in a 9x13" baking pan and pour the honey mixture over the chicken. Cover with foil. Marinate in the refrigerator for a few hours or overnight.
3. Bake, covered, at 375 degrees F for 1 hour; turn the wings after 1/2 an hour.
4. Remove the foil and bake 15 minutes longer.
5. Take the wings out of the sauce and bake on a pan for 10 minutes.
6. Turn the chicken wings and bake for 10 more minutes.

Put a Sling On 'Em

As a dedicated babywearer, I hope yesterday's Infantino sling recall isn't bad for the babywearing business. Having a baby that some sweet, sweet people would delicately term "high needs" (cough, cough), my Pikkolo has given me the freedom and confidence to once again leave the house. With it, I can even accomplish menial tasks; I can actually grocery shop without major baby meltdowns and other shoppers glaring at me in a way that suggests they suspect I beat Silas with a value pack of chicken breasts to make him scream like that. Babywearing, when done properly, has great benefits with no back pain or risk of suffocation. Though I never mastered sling wear, this video cracks me up. It's a bit out there, but it's nice to see that I'm not the only one who wears my baby along with Spandex and stilettos. Yeah, sorry for that visual. :)

No More Mr. Brown Eye

Apparently there was a recent chow-down in the pet version of the Garden of Eden, because I owe a big THANK YOU!!! to my college bff, Sarah, for sharing Rear Gear Butt Covers with me. These things are amazing. Before seeing them, I had no clue that I should be offended by my cats' anuses or that - gasp! - they might even be embarrassed that I can see them! And poor Guano with her little clipped tail...she doesn't even have the luxury of choice when it comes to cloaking her rear. I love it.

Bromance

Christian has a man-crush.

It's not on some Hollywood hunk, either. Though I kind of wish it were. If the object of his manly affections were, say, Matthew McConaughey or Ryan Reynolds, it would make my petition for a good romantic comedy every now and then much easier.

No. The Adam's apple of his eye is...the delivery man from the Italian dive down the road. Yep. A flighty little 5'5" guy with smoker's teeth and an unkempt black beard that merges seamlessly with his nose hairs. I don't know his name, but we'll call him Aldo.

We ordered delivery last night and Christian called to place the order. At one point, he points to the phone and mouths to me, "It's my man!" Every time Aldo arrives with our food, Christian anxiously opens the door and attempts to engage the poor fellow in some form of small talk. Last night's topic was the luggage carrier sitting on our front porch. One time it was my Volkswagen Beetle...usually, it's the dog.

After the food and the receipts have been exchanged, the delivery always ends with Christian saying, "I'll see ya next time, man." EVERY time. In the frenzy of Christmas preparations last year, when we ordered delivery on December 23, he even added, "Hey, if I don't see you before Christmas, have a good one." What?? IF you don't see him before Christmas, which is in TWO days?! I'm still not completely convinced that Christian didn't slip the guy a Christmas gift with his tip that night.

I suppose in his defense I should add that, since we've moved here, Christian has worked from home. More than once, he's complained about how he wishes he had more friends in the area and how it's pretty much impossible to meet people from our attic. This usually leads to my telling him to make more of an effort. Well...maybe ordering delivery IS his effort. Maybe Christian is hoping for a time when Aldo pulls into our driveway, not to deliver his cheeseburger and fries (which he orders every time, even though it's an authentic Italian restaurant), but to get him for a game of basketball or a round of paintball or a beer after work.

I suppose it's possible. I've acquired friends under stranger circumstances. And, unfortunately, Christian's befriending Aldo is probably more likely than the chances Matt or Ryan will someday pop in to play some Resident Evil on the wii.

No winter lasts forever...

At the beginning of each March, I wistfully reflect on the winter and think about those things I think I'll miss: the anticipation of two-hour delays, flipping the switch to light our gas fireplace, Williams-Sonoma's heavenly peppermint hot chocolate that, as much as I try, is still not quite as heavenly as the free sample in the Squirrel Hill store that one time I was convinced I needed to take home three canisters...

And then come days like today. They just sneak up on me, right when I'm starting to think that I have some backward form of SAD and am destined to write songs about only being happy when it snows and blows and creates drifts 17-feet-high in the Wal-Mart parking lot. But then these days tiptoe in and envelope me with their sweet lilac and hyacinth breath, shyly hinting at lightning bugs, freckled skin, and Moscato sipping in my favorite Adirondack chair.

That's all it takes. I'm done. Winter who? Oh, her. Meh. I really kinda did think she was a bit too frigid, anyway.

The Original Patent-Pending Design

"All right! You got something else you totally had to have!" Christian called out as he brought in our mail.

Upon opening the thick white plastic wrap of my package, I found that he was referring to the Teething Bling I scored for 60% off. It actually did take opening the package to see what was inside, because it could have been any number of things I had recently purchased from discount websites targeting moms. Let's see, I still look forward to opening our gray plastic mailbox in anticipation of delivery of my Lexie Barnes overnighter, Mimi the Sardine Splat Mat, Squeakers, Baby Banz...and how could I forget that hottest innovation in child restraint - the Tie Chair!!!! - soon to be delivered directly to the end of my driveway, a mere 25 steps from my front door?!

What? You've never heard of the Tie Chair? OR Mimi or even Lexie Barnes? So what if I hadn't heard of them, either, until my eyes (and my bank account) were opened to the glory of so-called bargain sites like babysteals, mamabargains, and babyhalfoff. I mean, seriously...just because I had been previously oblivious to the production of tiny shoes with tinier squeak toys inside the heel lining doesn't mean that I don't actually need them. They'll be indispensable, I'm sure. They reinforce the correct heel-to-toe walking pattern! I'll be able to hear Silas if he tries to wander off! He'll be fascinated by the sounds his feet make every single time he takes his baby steps, so he'll be walking even more! Walking even more, of course, once he can walk at all...but I'm sure it'll be soon. Some kids hop right up and toddle off sometime around 7 months, right? RIGHT?!

Sigh. I'm a weak-willed woman when it comes to a supposed bargain I can purchase from the comfort of my desk chair. Christian once called me the "perfect consumer," and as much as I hate to think of myself that way, it's true. Part of my job description is teaching media literacy to teenagers. I actually have a whole unit - one of my favorites, in fact - about commercials and target audience and the brainwashing powers of advertising. I've read all about the AAP recommendations of watching only limited amounts of TV along with toddlers because their impressionable little-but-rapidly-growing brains cannot differentiate between the actual program and the commercials.

Yet I'm a hypocritical sucker for bright colors and little animal designs and the novelty of jewelry that is simultaneously moderately attractive AND capable of withstanding the frantic gnawing of a teething six-month-old. I mean, c'mon...the website even features a picture of Mr. Big playfully chewing one of the "federally-approved silicone discs" draped around his fiancee's neck. Of course I can spot that example of testimonial from here to our USPS distribution center. Of course I recognize the frivolity of the majority of the baby goods market...and yet I still couldn't help myself from buying two of those darn Teething Bling sets.

Who else seen the leprechaun?

Yesterday was St. Patrick's Day, and we celebrated our smattering of Irish heritage with a supper feast of potatoes and cabbage, glazed carrots and sweet potato pudding, all washed down with a tall glass of green-food-coloring-tinted water.

Yes. We DO party hard here.

The only thing missing was our own leprechaun sighting. Unfortunately, Christian and I have given up crack for Lent. Oh, well...there's still Columbus Day.

So I went to the grocery store and....

“Why do you want to blog?” Christian asked me yesterday.

This was after I had blown all of Silas’s nap creating a blogger account. This blogger account! The truth is, blogging seems like a great way to avoid other things I would rather not do. You know, things like Cloroxing toilets and matching socks from the dryer and organizing the drawer full of “ideas” I have obsessively ripped from magazines because, someday, I really will make those Pickled Hot Cherry Peppers over Creamy Burrata Cheese from page 116. However, this didn’t seem like an appropriate response to the man who has graciously agreed to support me during this year of optional child-rearing leave. I mean, really…aren’t I obligated to at least pretend that I’m doing something productive with my time?

“Because it seems fun,” I responded.

So here I am, blogging. This first post is extremely awkward. I mean, really…how does one start a blog? I have apparently chosen to start mine by overthinking the process. Shocking, some would say. But, if I don’t start with this awkward post, I probably would never start at all.

This is an experiment for me, so please bear with me. While I hope to blog about events in my life and the lives of those around me, my only goal is to avoid being a blogger who overblogs about her life. You know what I mean, right? Electronic page upon page of mundane accounts of daily activities – the “we went to the grocery store to get the BOGO Arm & Hammer Detergent special from the Sunday paper and they were already SOLD OUT!!!” type stuff. Of course, that really did happen to me last week, but I won’t tell you about it here. Well, except for the fact that I just did, but that was just for example purposes. It won’t happen again.